I have a dilemma that I need advice on. I've been mulling over this in my head for a few weeks now and have decided I can't make up my mind. My friend Michael is moving to Bellingham in January. Right now, he lives in a cool little studio apartment on Puget St. He's lived there for over four years, so the rent has stayed at $450 (power, utilities and cable are all included), which seems pretty cheap for a studio so close to downtown. I am considering moving in there when he moves out. We wouldn't tell the landlord so that the rent wouldn't go up. There are so many pros and cons to this idea that I can't decided what to do.

Pros:
++ I've always wanted to try living alone
++ I would have a kitchen that I could actually USE! The kitchen at the house I share with four other people right now is always beyond disgusting, no matter how many house meetings or house cleanings we attempt.
++ With all the school I have to do right now, I'm usually hiding in my room anyway.
++ The black mold that is growing between the living room and my bathroom of our house would not be a problem.
++ I feel like I could use a change, and this would be a big one.
++ I'd be forced to call people more to hang out and not just expect to see people.
++ No more bass guitar practice, sex noise, drum sets, etc.
++ I wouldn't have to be responsible for paying all the bills and the hassle of money-collecting any more. Right now, all house finances are my job and I don't trust my housemates to take care of it on time.
++ No rats, no cats
++ Free cable

Cons:
-- It's more expensive.
-- I will be lonely and might not adjust to living alone as well as I'm hoping to.
-- I'd have to pay Michael and not just pay the landlord.
-- It's farther away from Vic's, school and the co-op.
-- I'd be leaving a group of house mates who are all really cool... I probably couldn't ask for a better group of kids to live with.
-- I'd also be leaving my bedroom which I love... It has a nice view and lots of storage.
-- The unknowns... Even though I've spent a considerable amount of time at Michael's, there are probably random things I won't find out until I actually live there. I don't know the neighbors or the noise level there.

... I have to decide by the end of the month. I've talked to my mom about it and she seems to support me either way. Any thoughts?

I am leaving for Las Vegas an hour. Two girlfriends are joining me on a four day vacation as a last chance celebration of summer... We've all been retardedly excited about this trip for months.

One of the girls called me this morning to tell me she got arrested for a DUI last night. She was balling. She can still go to Vegas, but our morale has definitely been compromised. What timing.

I feel like all of my friends have either left Olympia, are leaving Olympia, or have really let me down lately.

I'm ready for Health Month.

Why is everyone into Twilight?

The new Ben Folds album has a track on it called Effington. That makes me remember how much I love him and his music. Effington... why didn't I come up with that?

I love my job lately. Even in high school, I knew I'd enjoy working at Vic's. Something about it fits me well. There are a lot of shitty parts about it, but I can't think of a better place for me to be working at this time of my life.

I got a $50 tip for a double 16 oz. latte today. That's my all-time high for coffee tippers yet. $50?! Who has that kind of money to tip with?

Still having issues with drinking... realizing that I'll probably always have issues with drinking. One day at a time, right?

It's so cold out. I hope it snows soon.

( Borrowed from sinnamongirl.)

Pick 10 of your favorite movies.
- Go to IMDb and find a quote from each movie.
- Post them here for everyone to guess.
- Strike it out when someone guesses correctly, and put who guessed it and the movie.
- No Googling/using IMDb search functions!

1. Before we start, I'd just like to say the campers you're about to see suck dick! But nevertheless, please welcome them. Wet Hot American Summer, bluepoprock

2. What do you think you are, for Chrissake, crazy or somethin'? Well you're not! You're not! You're no crazier than the average asshole out walkin' around on the streets and that's it.

3. I have no thought at all about my own reward, I really didn't come here on my own accord. Just don't say I'm damned for all time. Jesus Christ Superstar, becala

4. I always said, if I had to fuck a guy... I mean had to, if my life depended on it... I'd fuck Elvis.

5. Captain's Log, stardate 23.9, rounded off to the... nearest decimal point. We've... traveled back in time to save an ancient species from... total annihilation. SO FAR... no... signs of aquatic life, but I'm going to find it. If I have to tear this universe another black hole, I'm going to find it. I've... GOT TO, MISTER.

6. Vice, Virtue. It's best not to be too moral. You cheat yourself out of too much life. Aim above morality. If you apply that to life, then you're bound to live life fully.

7. You couldn't hit water if you fell out of a boat!

8. Old McDonald had a farm ee i ee i o. And on that farm he shot some guys. Badda boom badda bing bang boom.

9. I almost came as a shark actually, but then I realized an eagle's slightly better. Eagle vs. Shark, junglequeen88

10. We're gonna be getting rid of these people here... First, Mr. Samir Naga... Naga... Naga... Not gonna work here anymore, anyway. Office Space, maxticket

On my days off, I have a hard time putting on clothes. It's like torture to wear clothes. So instead, I dodge around my windows all day or drape blankets over me until I absolutely have to get dressed. Even when it's cold, like this morning, I feel better naked while drinking hot chocolate.

P.S. Obama! The last few months have been so frustrating, heart-wrenching and intense for so many people, and it was exciting to watch everything happen on election night... Especially after four years ago, where I remember feeling a similar (though not nearly as intense) anxiety about the election and watched it all get fucked. I'm curious to see what the next few years will bring.

** I am about to go be in a community choir involving Kimya Dawson and Karl Blau... my social anxiety is pretty high right now, considering I don't know anyone that will be there. Yikes.

** Last night, I bottled my first batch of kombucha. It's good! I left it fermenting longer than the recipe called for which made it less sweet with more of a kick. Yum.

** My nursing school application is ready to go. I'm turning it in this week.

** My mom suggested taking me to a casino. If you knew my mom, this wouldn't make sense. Our relationship seems to only get stranger.

** Going to a wedding in Portland where a guy I haven't talked to in about five years is getting married to a girl I've never met. I'm not sure why he sent me an invitation, but I was a little flattered to get one. He was a really cool guy. I'm nervous though, because again, I won't have anyone close (except Tyler, who REALLY doesn't know any of those people) to talk to. But weddings are fun, Portland is fun, and we're staying with a friend who is WAY fun.

Suck it, social anxiety.

Yikes.

Thank you to junglequeen88, sinnamongirl, and becala
for helping me figure out what to wear at the upcoming wedding. You guys really helped me narrow my choices down to a much less overwhelming number.

This is how the whole thing turned out:













Putting these pictures together here makes my choices look pretty boring but when I'm wearing the whole ensemble, I feel pretty hot. Anyway, I'd feel weird attracting attention at any wedding other than my own.

I want to take a picture of it all together but my camera (and ipod) were stolen out of my purse last week. I'm beyond upset about losing the only two material things I love, so I'm not going to write any more about it now. I'm still hoping that they'll randomly turn up under the couch or somewhere I haven't looked, although I'm 99% sure they were stolen. They were both in my purse, which was unattended at work a few days last weekend. Big mistake on my part to think I could trust my coworkers. I cringe at the thought that any one of them would steal my stuff.

I'm going to a friend's wedding in November. Unfortunately, I've never understood fashion... especially dress-up fashion. And I'm sick of feeling underdressed/sloppy.

I bought this dress:



It looks pretty plain here but I feel like it is flattering on my body. I also plan to wear shoes similar to the ones in the picture. However, it's a November evening wedding, and I feel like I should have a jacket and either stockings or boots to cover up. But what kind of jacket/coat/sweater would go with this? And stockings or boots? If stockings, what color? Hellllllllllp.

I was recently approved for Basic Health, the state-sponsored, low-cost health insurance. Yay! However, now I need to choose between one of three private health plans that Basic Health works through (Group Health, Molina or Community Health Plan of Washington). I've looked into all three and they initilly seem about the same overall, with a few providers for most main specialties scattered around Thurston county. I don't have a doctor that I'm particularly attached to, so that doesn't help sway me in a particular direction. I have heard bad things about Group Health, but I'm not writing it off yet. If anyone has any advice on which provider to choose, let me know. I have to decide and mail in my first payment in a few days.

---

You Scored as C.G. Jung You are more of a spiritualist than would be immediately apparent. Some of your notions are questioned by the cynical, but deep down you know the human consciousness is more than the flesh and tissue can account for. You tend to take a scientific observationist look on matters the average person wouldn't even begin to analyze. You personally are responsible for most of the ideas that are floating around in modern psychologist's/psychic's paltry little skulls. On the down side, you tend to be associated with that asshole Freud. C.G. Jung 83% Dante Alighieri 67% Stephen Hawking 67% Miyamoto Musashi 58% Sigmund Freud 58% Friedrich Nietzsche 58% Jesus Christ 50% Steven Morrissey 33% Hugh Hefner 25% Mother Teresa 25% Elvis Presley 17% Charles Manson 17% Adolf Hitler 8% O.J. Simpson 0%

If you're on my friends list, I want to know 36 things about you. I don't care if we never talk, or if we already know everything about each other. Short and sweet is fine... you're on my list, so I want to know you better!

Comment here and repost a blank one on your own journal.

01) Are you currently in a serious relationship?
02) What was your dream growing up?
03) What talent do you wish you had?
04) If I bought you a drink what would it be?
05) Favorite vegetable?
06) What was the last book you read?
07) What zodiac sign are you?
08) Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Explain where.
09) Worst Habit?
10) If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride?
11) What is your favorite sport?
12) Do you have a Pessimistic or Optimistic attitude?
13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
14) Worst thing to ever happen to you?
15) Tell me one weird fact about you.
16) Do you have any pets?
17) What if I showed up at your house unexpectedly?
18) What was your first impression of me?
19) Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
21) Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
22) What color eyes do you have?
23) Ever been arrested?
24) Bottle or can soda?
25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it?
27) What's your favorite place to hang out at?
28) Do you believe in ghosts?
29) Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
30) Do you swear a lot?
31) Biggest pet peeve?
32) In one word, how would you describe yourself?
33) Do you believe/appreciate romance?
34) Favourite and least favourite food?
35) Do you believe in God?
36) Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?

My brother's friend, Sean, died of an overdose last Friday night. He was only 17. I remember the kid well because he came from the wealthiest family that my parents or I knew at the time. I remember taking him home with my mom and brother in our cluttered old minivan. We looked so out of place driving through the big metal gates before their sprawling manicured gardens and picture-perfect mansion. Sean's family was always nice though... Sean's mom would always drop TJ off with a stack of fun pictures of the two boys highlighting each day's adventure.

Anyway, this afternoon, my best friend was giving me a tour of the funeral home where she works. She is a funeral director, although she also is a "removal technician" and mortician. On our way out, we stopped in a big, empty-ish garage. She was showing me the fancy SUV-hearses that are used these days. Next to one of them sat one plain-looking, rectangle-shaped cardboard box. She mentioned that there was a body in it and checked the name printed on top... Yep, it was Sean.

So random to be standing in a big garage with my brother's friend, dead and in a box.

I can't sleep. I've slept only three out of the last 48 hours. It's 4am, I have to be up at 7... My anxiety is through the roof lately and I don't know why. I just know that I'll be miserable at work very soon.

I am starting my own Health Month journey today.

From what I know, people normally embark on this thing in January, but I feel like I need it now. After graduating and starting a new school-free life, I've had a little too much fun and haven't found the much needed balance that will keep me sane... now I need a little detox. Anyway, if you're interested in hearing about my experience this month as I give up alcohol, caffeine, bread, etc., let me know. Otherwise I'll filter all of my withdrawal freak out posts to spare you from reading them.

Wish me luck!

I keep wanting to get everything out of my brain, but it all seems like too much when I sit down at the computer. Graduating and being a real live adult has been a total mind fuck for me. Every day I feel old, behind, and poor. I have to remind myself that I'm becoming who I really am, more and more every day now that I'm not in school. I've been cooking, reading and socializing more than ever, which is all I wanted while I was slaving away over an acid-base titration or "sani-wiping" a freshly-diagnosed mono patient's room.

I need to get used to no one telling me what to do. When given orders, I bend over backwards and get the job more than done, but when I'm on my own, I have no fucking clue what I'm supposed to be doing. I over-analyze every moment of free time I have and end up not doing anything productive because I'm too much pressure for myself.

I know that IF I decide to pursue further education, I'll go to dental school. I've always had a good relationship with my dentist and my own teeth. Plus, dentists make a ton of money and work 9ish - 5ish four-or-so days a week. I could easily raise a family and work for a valid reason. The first thing I notice it a person's smile (not whether their teeth are bad or not though... just whether they have a good, confident smile). But getting there is a ridiculous process. You have to have a billion shadowing hours, score better than 90% of applicants on the DAT, and have all the prereqs (which I DO have, but since I went to Evergreen, I don't have a GPA to enter into the required fields, which leads to a seemingly more ridiculous process). I'm so intimidated by it that it's easy for me to put it in the back of my mind. I know that once I fully commit to it though, it's on. I know that the longer I wait, the more organic chemistry and microbiology I'm forgetting. I can almost feel it seeping out of me day by day.

So I have to commit. Or do I? Do I really want to spend another four years of my life stressed, focused on such a small picture when I know that there is SO MUCH more out there to life? Yes, I think I do want to commit that time. I keep having to reassure myself that four years out of a lifetime is worth it.

But then if I die in two years, was it? This is how my brain works. Ahhhhhh... I hate it.

8 Types Of Annoying People You’ll Find Inside Starbucks

but you're gotta admit.... it's so true.